Dear reader,
As you may already know, I'm no good at keeping blogs updated. Now I find my self in the pickle of having two blogs to keep up with and the stress has been overwhelming. Thus, while I'm in Florida for the 67 Day of Smiles contest, please keep track of my exploits here:
www.67daysmile.blogspot.com
Fever Pitch Rulez!
Friday, July 31, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
drinks with axel
german axel came over with big cuts in his knees. he fell whence running. he also brought becks and alcohol for his wounds (besides the becks). i gave him hydrogen peroxide. both hutrt his knees. he picked up his hat and glasses he left here. we went to the store to get more beer because we were both in the drinking/talking mood... he left in his station wagon and left a hole in my heart. also, norm macdonald turned out to be a talking point of the night. that, and penises.
mislead
I was watching dr. katz and i thought to myself, "chips and salsa," because i think in fragments. you know? i don't have to say, "i think i want chips and salsa." i understand what i mean when i abbreviate things... that's not important. this is what is: i went intp the fridge, looked around, saw the salsa in the back, went to grab it, and then found out that it was pasta sauce. i was really mad at paul newman for a second but then i remembered he was dead... then i found the salsa and i was a lot happier. then i went to the office to type this... all before i even had one chip!
SMOSH!!!!!
I HATE SMOSH SO MUCH!!!
HENCE THE CAPITAL LETTERS!!!!
AND THE EXCLAMATION POINTS REALLY DRIVE IT HOME!!!!
WWW.SMOSH.COM
PLEASE HATE THEM WITH ME!!!!!!
HENCE THE CAPITAL LETTERS!!!!
AND THE EXCLAMATION POINTS REALLY DRIVE IT HOME!!!!
WWW.SMOSH.COM
PLEASE HATE THEM WITH ME!!!!!!
Phone thing I do
O.k. so i understand how it's important to be a part of causes and stuff and to donate money to charities and blah blah blah.
here's the thing, i don't have any money!
not only that, but outside of the coffee shop, at which i still work, there is ALWAYS at least one person with a clipboard and a t shirt, that tries stopping me and getting my information and money.
the most annoying of these is greenpeace because they really try guilting you-
"oh, so i guess you don't care about the planet, huh?"
as someone who does care about the planet, i take offense to this. but that's not the point.
a while ago, i started pulling out my cell phone and pretending to talk to someone so they'll leave me alone. pretty smart huh? well...
one time a greenpeace guy's like, "oh, so i guess your phone call's more important than the planet, huh?"
Man! the guy got through the only defense i have!
so here's the plan. next time they try that here's how it goes down:
greenpeace guy: "oh, so i guess your phone call's more important than the planet, huh?"
me: "hmm? oh i'm sorry. i just found out my mother died."
i think this will work. if not, i'm just throwing the phone at him and leaving...
P.S. don't think that i haven't thought of something else cool. i can also pretend to be on the phone whenever i want to talk to myself in public or make fun of people out loud.
here's the thing, i don't have any money!
not only that, but outside of the coffee shop, at which i still work, there is ALWAYS at least one person with a clipboard and a t shirt, that tries stopping me and getting my information and money.
the most annoying of these is greenpeace because they really try guilting you-
"oh, so i guess you don't care about the planet, huh?"
as someone who does care about the planet, i take offense to this. but that's not the point.
a while ago, i started pulling out my cell phone and pretending to talk to someone so they'll leave me alone. pretty smart huh? well...
one time a greenpeace guy's like, "oh, so i guess your phone call's more important than the planet, huh?"
Man! the guy got through the only defense i have!
so here's the plan. next time they try that here's how it goes down:
greenpeace guy: "oh, so i guess your phone call's more important than the planet, huh?"
me: "hmm? oh i'm sorry. i just found out my mother died."
i think this will work. if not, i'm just throwing the phone at him and leaving...
P.S. don't think that i haven't thought of something else cool. i can also pretend to be on the phone whenever i want to talk to myself in public or make fun of people out loud.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
The next Willenium! A RAP SONG
ARTIST: DJ RAPP STARR
ALBUM: STINKY KOOL-AID
SONG: THE NEXT WILLENIUM!
DJ Rapp Starr:
YO!
How come all the ladies eatin' Mac an' Cheese?
Makes your farts stank and get booty disease!
take a tip, a tic, a tat, and stick it'n your hat!
(Bro Chorus: "what's that bro?") I say stick it in your hat!
I been 'round the world, seen my share of some shit,
but I never saw no booty I din't wanna hit.
So I make a plee to you girl, I'm down on my knees,
be my wife girl... I'm down on my knees!
Bro CHORUS:
Boys just want to have a lady,
A lady to have a fun time with.
Rock and roll is over-rated.
Watch a Hugh Grant film.
DJ Rapp Starr:
It's the new, I mean Next Willenium!
Got a letter in the mail from my p-pen pal.
Opened it up, he died... you know, my pen pal.
p-p-p-p-pen pal
I thought, what a piece of shit day already and it ain't even half past noon
so i got in my car, headed down to the mall, and tried an' score a little pooon.
I got in a crash, it really sucked.
It really, really, really sucked.
Bro CHORUS:
Boys just want to have a lady,
A lady to have a fun time with.
Rock and roll is over-rated.
Watch a Hugh Grant film.
DJ Rapp Starr:
It's the Brand Next Willenium!
So I hope you learned a something from my cautionary tale.
Never get 2 smart or else you'll end up in jail.
Take a tip from me, and always eat your peas.
take a tip from me, don't end up in jail like me...s...
ALBUM: STINKY KOOL-AID
SONG: THE NEXT WILLENIUM!
DJ Rapp Starr:
YO!
How come all the ladies eatin' Mac an' Cheese?
Makes your farts stank and get booty disease!
take a tip, a tic, a tat, and stick it'n your hat!
(Bro Chorus: "what's that bro?") I say stick it in your hat!
I been 'round the world, seen my share of some shit,
but I never saw no booty I din't wanna hit.
So I make a plee to you girl, I'm down on my knees,
be my wife girl... I'm down on my knees!
Bro CHORUS:
Boys just want to have a lady,
A lady to have a fun time with.
Rock and roll is over-rated.
Watch a Hugh Grant film.
DJ Rapp Starr:
It's the new, I mean Next Willenium!
Got a letter in the mail from my p-pen pal.
Opened it up, he died... you know, my pen pal.
p-p-p-p-pen pal
I thought, what a piece of shit day already and it ain't even half past noon
so i got in my car, headed down to the mall, and tried an' score a little pooon.
I got in a crash, it really sucked.
It really, really, really sucked.
Bro CHORUS:
Boys just want to have a lady,
A lady to have a fun time with.
Rock and roll is over-rated.
Watch a Hugh Grant film.
DJ Rapp Starr:
It's the Brand Next Willenium!
So I hope you learned a something from my cautionary tale.
Never get 2 smart or else you'll end up in jail.
Take a tip from me, and always eat your peas.
take a tip from me, don't end up in jail like me...s...
Thursday, July 9, 2009
i feel
i feel down and out but i got my skin full of diesel so how can things be that bad?
too much to do but no money.
squash is coming in.
tomatoes fine.
got the full-sized accordion.
hacky sack skills improved.
national fans.
new trash.
television.
air traffic.
butler dollars.
pickles and feta.
skills.
drinks.
smokes.
a new you for the new millenium!
too much to do but no money.
squash is coming in.
tomatoes fine.
got the full-sized accordion.
hacky sack skills improved.
national fans.
new trash.
television.
air traffic.
butler dollars.
pickles and feta.
skills.
drinks.
smokes.
a new you for the new millenium!
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