montages

know what i like about 80's movie competition montages? whenever there's some sort of dance off between the movie star and the bitch and the of the people, the star and the bitch stink and everyone else is great but they always do something to mess up and then the bitch does some illegal move that the judges somehow miss but then the star believes in herself and pulls it off at the last second and the summer is saved and her strict dad loosens up and says, "gnarly!" and the ancient spirits can re-inhabit their land and the big money developers have to move on out.

sarah jessica parker has always been unattractive

An unprecedented 2 blogs in one day (posts)

I did it! 2 blog posts!


may the great blog war of 2005 continue...

until i win~~~ (!!!)

Look at that blog I blogged out.

Listen crew... I'll be the first to admit it. I hate blogs! I hate writing them, I hate reading them, I hate eating them. Here's the thing, why do I have a blog? I have no stupid idea. i don't know why i did it. maybe because i wanted to feel like a cool guy. maybe i felt like i needed to do it to prove i was part of something (internet), maybe i like giblets (too true). here's the truth america: i did it because i like nomlins.

know who's not funny? me. even more so? jeff dunham. i mean, i hate brody stevens but jesus, this guy makes brody look like... funny!!!

i mean, his mouth is fucking moving and his dummies sound exactly like him!!!

the audience loves him. he just made his old guy dummy say, in reference to his dummy wife, "naggy nag nag nag nag nag nag, bitch bitch bitch."

it was a song

a guy in the audience put his hand up in the air as to say, "ah, hell yeah. i knows what yous means." (you can't trust anyone who puts too many s's on things."

alright assholes, i've just decided after watching a crown royal commercial, i'm going to become a great black jazz trumpeter

Eggo Offer

I think it speaks for itself but I encourage everyone to search the rest of the Eggo website for more exciting offers!

http://www2.kelloggs.com/Promotion/PromotionDetail.aspx?PID=15376

T.V.

A grown man on national television just spelled "ticket" and won $2,000...

I'm not angry at him or the media. I just wish I could find a job like that.

A New Blog, a New Attitude!

Alright, so as we all know (or as we've all been led to believe) it is now 2009! How exciting is this? Well, you tell me. No, you know what, no need. I'm telling you right now how exciting it is... very (exciting)!

Anyhow, why have I started this blog? It's because I know you all want to keep updated with the trivial bullstuff that comes out of my head and, while I'll never post anything that I'm really feeling or experiencing, this is the best way for all you losers to feel like you're actually close. In the way that Job must have felt close to God when he was stuck on that raft for 100 years or whatever... Or like the time Jughead came close to winning the "all you can eat burger voucher" to Pop Tates Chocolate Shoppe just to see it snatched away at the last second by Big Ethel.

Yes reader, just like heroes of the Bible and classic Riverdalian fiction, you too have the chance and duty to read what I write and per chance, live vicariously through my scribblings... (and maybe just learn a thing or two along the way."

For yes, I am better than you (Big Surprise!)! While you're at home with your pressed trousers and ancient celluar telephone that isn't even bluetooth compatible, I'm out on the town with naturally wrinkled pants and an awesome telephone.

Yes, 2009 is truly the year of the lion. I am that lion and I'm better than you.

I have to go watch Quantum Leap now.